The "Not-Relationship" that I want

I hate relationships. I hate people telling others what to do. I hate the responsibility of answering to another person. I don't like regulation. I don't like emotional manipulation where you want to make someone act or feel a certain way. I don't like expectations or the freedom to do what I want. I don't like being taken advantage of for what I give. I don't like feeling used. I don't like imbalance.

I like respect. I like freedom. I like my space. I like consulting with others and support. I like lots of friends, and more friends, and some more friends. I love best friends. I like adventuring. I like independence, and interdependence. And mostly I like respect. I like my own bedroom, and my own bed, that I will share as I please. I like my alone time, and my together time. I like shared friends. I like separate friends. I like low key. I like escaping. I appreciate respect. I like to kiss who I want. Kissing is a sign of love and an agreement to be open can be reached, if communication and appreciation is respected. Wherever you water your grass, it will grow.

I like traveling. I like camping. I like art and music. I like food. I like new experiences. I like when someone likes doing these things with me. I like doing things that others like. I like the ability to say "no" when I feel like I need to. I love laughing, and I love someone who will laugh with me.  I love sex. I love someone who loves sex too. I love someone who is vulnerable and willing to try new things in sex. I love other forms of physical touch, like hip touches and back rubs. I love boys and I love girls.

I love hearing your thoughts. Tell me about your world, express your thoughts through your words. Listen to mine. Be captivated by mine. I love passion and the people who create it.  I appreciate fun. I like personal responsibility for own's life and happiness. I love a positive outlook. It is okay to be mad as hell sometimes. Or sad as sad can be. But it is a warrior's spirit who picks himself up at the beginning of a new day. I love someone who will dance with me wherever, in the city, in the rain, in a park, or on a train. I love creativity and want you to show me yours, so I can gasp with excitement at the beauty of your soul.

I love love. I love loving you. I love loving others. I love life. I love happiness; it intoxicates me. Freedom is my soul and my wings love to fly. Anything less, I do not want. Because I can and will always provide for myself anyways.

Fear of Rejection / You are Amazing

I used to have this huge fear of rejection; that if I put myself out there, someone could devalue me. The truth is that we are continually rejected, by our friends, our family members, opportunities. It's nothing to do with us. Sometimes they need their own space. Sometimes they have something going on that doesn't allow them to be there. And sometimes someone's role in our life is complete. 

But the good news, rejection does not lessen your value. You are valuable no matter what. So, I have started telling people how much I like them and when I want to see them, instead of waiting for them to call me. I am honest about my feelings and intentions. 

And just in case you are wondering,  you are valuable. You play many different roles in many different lives that you are totally unaware of. You have strengths that create and weaknesses that humble and give a chance to lean on other. 

You are amazing. Never doubt that. 

I would lift your burden of I could

I want to give you peace 

A little shelter from the storm

Food when you are hungry 

I want to provide happiness 

A little laughter from your belly 

A smile when you are sad 

Your heartache makes my heart ache 

Your sadness makes me cry 

I would lift your burden if I could 

A Need, or Lack Thereof

It's hard to take care of a person. You have to feed them, clothe, water, walk, shelter, bathe and keep them safe. On top of that, this person usually wants fun, love and personal satisfaction. It is hard to take care of yourself. Are you giving yourself what you need? Do you know what you need? Are you showing symptoms of lacking? What are those symptoms saying? What do you need? And how are you going to give that to yourself?

Anything outside of yourself is temporary. It may be wonderful. It may be harsh. No matter what, don't get too comfortable, for it will change. There is a Buddhist principle called impermanence. One day, everything will change around you. Enjoy what you have while you have it. It is normal to fight it, but you can learn to embrace and breathe through it. Focus, what do I need? What can I give myself? Concentrate on you, the one person who you will forever be responsible for.

There is another Buddhist principle of suffering, that life is suffering. This is something that I disagree with. Suffering is self inflicted with our limited beliefs. Life does not have to be painful. There are great leaders of thought that help challenge belief systems. A belief is a thought that is repeated, and you can change your thought habits. There is one thought leader who has helped to shape my redesign of my flow. Her name is Byron Katie and her website is dedicated to helping others. "The Work of Byron Katie is a way of identifying and questioning the thoughts that cause all the anger, fear, depression, addiction, and violence in the world." Her method is a process of evaluating the day to day thoughts that cause heartache. To learn more, visit TheWork.com. Seek methods of improvement and sources of peace daily to rejuvenate your soul.

Some days will be tiring. However, the greater one aligns to truth, happiness and peace, the easier it is to take care of an adult, yourself. Self care is magical. Get to know what you are, who you are, what you need, and then do.

Peace Never Stuttering

I wish I could show you how much I love you 

I want you to succeed and feel successful 

When you are sad, I want you to feel comfort 

When you heart is breaking, I want you to know that mine is too 

When you stumble, my knees skin 

When you smile, I rejoice 

I want you to feel like the world is yours 

Hope to permeate your chest and expand throughout your body 

I love you so intensely 

That your pain is mine. 

And it makes me shutter and crumble 

And I can't fix it. That I crumble and collapse and can't make you happy. I run from the pain I've consumed. 

When all I wish is happiness for you 

So I pray to a god to hear my prayers 

And grant you mercy from your agony 

And peace never stuttering.