Sex~~~

I hate the view our society has on sex. I've always thought it was slightly backwards that it is normal for people to have sex, then get into relationships, then fall in love. Shouldn't love come before sex? 

Relationships and love should come before sex. The crazy chick in vanilla sky said that when you make love, your body makes a promise. I know for women, this is very true. Sex complicates things. It creates emotions and clouds your judgement. You've created a bond that you will then be loyal to, even if it is not the best thing for you. You are then in love, and it is based on sex. Sex is a component of a relationship, but your relationship with someone shouldn't be based on sex. 

I have also watched as people get serious with others continue to sleep with other people, because there wasn't an established exclusivity. And then of course lie about it. This is one of the most heart breaking things for me. And a reason that I am waiting until I am in a relationship before I have sex with someone. I am a relationship person. If I allow myself to trust and invest in someone, I plan on keeping them around. I don't want to be played. 

It's crazy that when I was growing up, I was always told to wait until I was married to have sex. I'm not planning on getting married ever again. But now I can say that I agree with this teaching. Sex is a serious subject and deserves respect. 

Song of the day ~ dark horse by Katy perry 

New Year New Beginnings

Friends,

I was looking back through these posts. Boy, has life changed. Every year is so different than the last. I want to maintain this blog this year, to share my thoughts and open discussions. I want to become apart of the blogging community! I love writing. I have two books that I want to write. I love discussion (as long as it is concise and respectful).

This last year was a growing year. I met a lot of new people that I am growing to love more every day <3. I have a job that is refining my skills on a regular basis. I have new challenges and I am learning so much about myself.

This has also been one of the hardest years for me. I lost a very important relationship to me. I divorced my husband. There were some key components in our relationship that were no longer working. This is one of three of the hardest things of my life: my parents divorce, my move to Utah, and losing a best friend. So needless to say, it was a hard year and I am still recovering.

Our trust was diminished. He had lied to me about something. And we worked through it. But he continued to lie about it. So then I acted out. And we didn't find a way to repair us from that. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. I felt like we had a very good relationship despite this aspect. I was very supportive of his dreams. He did things with me that I liked to do. We had fun together. And I am very sad to lose this relationship.

On the upside, I am able to focus on myself now. This is an opportunity to focus and develop myself. I am re-discovering the person who I have always been, but never had time to develop, since I was always working on our relationship - a clue that the relationship wasn't helping me to build myself, since I was using my energy to make our relationship work. This has also helped me to define my expectation of what I want from a relationship. I want someone that is continually working on themselves, so I can continually work on myself. This shows me the importance of boundary creating. I must value my own development, over coaching someone else's development. I can be support of someone else's development, but I cannot develop another person.

Now here comes the fun part of blogging - learning more about others. Tell me what your most important piece of relationship advice is for someone coming out of a divorce! No repeats :)

Here is my unique share of my blog: Songs of my day: "I ain't mad at cha" by Tupac and "Under Control" by Ellie Goulding. What is your song of the day?