I have been in a two to three year discovery of what religion and spirituality and God mean to me. I went through a period where I felt that maybe this life was it. That when we died, we died. That there was no soul. This was a little disheartening to me, but I entertained the idea. If today really could be your last day of existence, what do you want it to look like? I was an atheist for a minute and genuinely entertained the idea.
Through more study and introspection, I've decided that I do believe in spirit. I've felt positive and negative spirit influences in my life and seen them in others. I have heard the stories of people close to me that have had experiences that show a spirit world exists. I have felt the loving direction of something more than just my mind.
I believe in the energy of the universe. I believe that the universe has energy that pulls and pushes you in directions you need to experience. I believe that the universe is always working in your favor, except for the occasionally cruel joke of a reality check (the boy I date for 4 months won't make me his girlfriend but some random offers. This is the universe's way of saying, no you don't just want any guy to be your boyfriend. You want to date someone with class) which is still working in your favor. The law of attraction creates a reality that you think about. I believe that people are in charge of creating their lives or the lack thereof. The mind and emotions are powerful.
Now the question of whether there is a god somewhere out there watching the slow destruction of the earth has haunted me. I cannot believe in a Christan version of a condemning, judging god who predetermines a life that you have no say in. Who turns his back on you when you were sent to this earth, doing what you are supposed to be doing: learning. A god that I was taught cannot love and accept you the way you are because you are sinful and cannot stand in his presence. Sounds like a stuck up god that I wouldn't want to hang out with.
Something special happened to me though. My sister offered a prayer for me, and I felt a love: from her, from the universe and from something you could call a god. If this god was someone so full of love, that's something I could believe in. An enlightened being, mentoring and guiding. An angel. Not a judging being sitting on a cloud, unloving. "What if god was one of us." A truly loving, guiding soul who is there for you as a best friend. A being who follows the laws of the universe, who has attained a higher level of consciousness. This is a god that I could pray to, for support, for love perspective. An ancestor who has attained Buddha. Maybe a group of ancestors who have attained Buddha?
I also believe that god is all of us, since we have the creative power to construct our realities. The more that I study about human potential, the more I see it in my own life. Learning the methods to creating your reality is essential to being happiness.
I struggle with religion. Really, I struggle with large masses of sheep and groupthink- where individuality is lost and the herd stampedes and tramples whatever is in the way. I believe religion has created a fearful god as a method of teaching the masses to behave and control church attendance. I do however believe that people gathering together to learn, discuss and provide general community is very important. Religion has it's place. And when you study several religions, the core foundation is to love and treat others kindly. This is not a bad thing. It is when greed and manipulation of man that gives me a bad taste in my mouth.
I am grateful for the spiritual movement that I am watching, where people are seeking to learn for themselves. Where people pray and meditate on life and it's meaning and their meaning of existence to life. I am excited for this movement and people really getting to the root of what spirituality should be.
Here are my thoughts. Feel free to share yours, as long as you maintain respect to others, I believe it is essential to everyone's progress to continually share ideas and question your own.
Much love
<3 xo
Sarah Anderson
